i cant call this a friendship anymore...
Mood:  don't ask
why? why? why are you doing this to me? icant contain it any longer!!!! d oyou know whow much i am mad at you? a lot. i try to pretend at school that everything is ok but its not. we have bee nbest friends and now all of a sudden im not good enough to be your friend. i dont know how to describe this feeling but ive always try to be there for you. i know i dont give good advice about you problems and i know you cant rely on me to do crazy stuf but you know why and maybe you dont get it but i dont get you sumtimes. i hvae always tried to be there for you and im sorry if went you really need me i was there...but you dont talk to me...not anymore...you dont tell me anything. you probably dont even see what is happening you pretend it aint happening i can see it. we cant communcate anymore. maybe this is a faze maybe we will get past this...or i will cuz im the only one you can see it. i know i yell and shout and this really sucks cuz our friendshiip is on the line... maybe everything is ok to you but its not to me...you have moved on and i cant handle that...and then you go and put down the one person i have there to help me get through this while you go along with everyone...im been left behind and you havent noticed cuz ive been hiding it...i will always hide it cuz i dont want you to hate me more that you do. sometime when we talk and laugh i feel ok and that nothing bad is happening to this friendship but there is a major problem and dont blame me...i dont want to point fingers but you have been totally ingoring me...i wish that i can get pass this but i dont know how and dont want to maybe this is for the better...but this summer im leaving to pursue stuff and i will always hope that this friends may last longer than i think it will...ive probably repeat some points like a thousand time but im jsut typing what im thinking even if it is the same thing...even tho you may never read this im glad cuz i just wanted to say sumthing....jsut sumthing...

sum times i just think the whole world hates me. i know its not true but im always up fro talkig on msn but no one is ever on. then my one guy friend is like giving me the cold shoulder. at least it feels like. i jsut have to suck ti up and relized i dont got a life and everyone else does and they got something alot better to do then lsite nto me talk. its really ironic too. whe ni am talkng to sum ppl i jsut dont want to talk to them or i gotts nothing o say. im jsut not sure of myself at the moment. its like all i want is for my friends to just to be there and ill be fine. jsut the company no talking jsut enjoynig the joy of the person. and its the best whenyou can jsut sitt there and communcate without communacating. thats when i know i gots myself a great friend. this probable doesnt make any sense at the moment but im in a non making sense mood and where i look way to deep into things wich i do quite often when im bored.

there is so much gongi at school its making my so worried and when i think about it too hard i start ot hyperventaly. mid terms are soon and im so glad im not really going to have to study hard. there is so much in english im not sure when im gonig to get it done and i dont get math. i should be doing all thins work right now but im really not inthe mood and ive had this pain on my face for a couple days. i cant wait for this month to be over. but i know sumhow all my work will get done. ttyl!!

well ive cleared things up with chels and then my mom. today has been really boring and so i did homework and read a book. yesteday i did something really dorky. i went with chels and jadine t oa rolar skating place. it was fun but i feeled like such a dork and i brusied the little i haved by fallnig a whole lot! ttyl

Mood:  down
i have afight with my mom and so i cnat go wih chels and sum other ppl to the movies but chels decide not to go and then she didnt tell everyone that was invite at the time we wernt gonig and that pperson was her bf and she didnt call him to tell him we are going i know she doesnt like talknig t ohim on the phone but know dhe is gonig to stand him up and i dont think that is i think a friend wuold do. so i changed the topic and started talknig about how i dont think im gongi to be able to do anythig cuz i wadnt gonig to talk to my mom and then she is like she isnt gonig to make plans with me again. i just wanted her to console me in my time off need cuz im really down about my mom but she wasnt so mean and when i really need a friend she wasnt there and it make me cry cuz ive always been there for her are a least and even if i didnt care i was there. why cant she to the same for me? i hate how chels acts when she is in a bad mood, it seems like she takes it out on my and it makes me feel bad. maybe its just how she handles stress but she could try to be my friend when i need her. if char wasnt grouned i would call her and she would act like a friend just like she always does. it seems like me and char and chels are growing apart and it hurt me cuz they are my best friends...or were. char will be here for me tho and we can talk about anything. i think we are jsut stuck here cuz we've talk so much and now there is nothing to talk about cuz we basically are there with each other talking and we experince the same things. i dont know what is going to happen but i hope i cna write that chels is still my best friend.

Mood:  lazy
well lots has happened since last time that i have no clue where i have leaft off so yah. im back at school now from xmas break and im starting to feel the pressure for midterm. oh well ill pass them or ill at least pass 1/3 of them anyways. Im gonig to disneyland im feburaury so im really excited to go see the pirates of the caribbean ride and i wonder how many times ill end up going on it. im also really excited for the spring adititons for the drama club that im in. i really hope that i get a part in sum play. on new years eve i went to my friends house amd met 2 of his friends. they are really cool and im really happy to have gone i had so much fun. chels came with me, and she had fun to.
i got contacts and new glasses to and i guess it wasnt the not seeing thats causing my clumzyness. sum of my teacher are really making fun of me for it. and let me say it wasnt fun when they pointed out my problem. oh well it really wasnt embarassing considering im used to it and i get a long with everyone so yah... im really having fun with my life and yah... im really saying and yah alot but thats ok anyways im really glad that i have so many ppl supporting me on my way to.. where ever im going...
im thinknig of taking my video carmera to school tomorrow and making a documentary of the my class..but i don think that is to happen cuz all the ppl with end up acting like animal or sumthing...and so it will just end up being shot of ppl yellnig and screaming and then my and a few ppl doen in the bootroom goofying around. s oyah ttyl peace out!!!

12:18am
Mood:  special
well i had i good day but iwas tired soi had a nap and now im up. there is no school tomorrow cuz of sum reason that i really dont care abuot. no school is the main point. anyways well im little hyper but tire at eh smae time. o well and know i have nothing good to say so ttyl.

it beenawile but i guess i only use this thing when im really fustrated. it like 11 at nite and im conpletley lost my mind. ok not completly but im emotinal lost sumhow sumthing is bothering me buti can figure it out. maybe i should tell chels about what happen yesterday but i cant nothing really happend sumone said sumthing but now that i think of it ...it meant nothing ...(so chels if you read this please dont ask its for your own good and char this goes to you to) anyways it not important anyomre and i think my fustration is becoming more clear. that better i cna clam down now. anyways that whole thing about that guy is over i found out that it is really hard to communcated with him and i dont think i could stand sitting there with him. with dead silence. beside since i havent wrote(tpyed)im a while you guys dont know that he has gf. o well that was good so i could relize what ever i relized before we went out and the nwe would have to break up with him.ok enough of that. thnx for listen.

well today is take your kids to work day and so im here in my dad office with chels cuz she came to. today i guess could be fun but rite now we are just playing no the computers cuz my dad need to work.

well today was ok i wanted to know how janel knew ________ and so she and jadine send me on a hunt to find the answer just ot find out want a practically already knew. o well it was fun. i when to the book fair and i got a pen. renee phone and she was trying to fiqure out how to 3 way call. it mad me mad and then she wanted to 3way attack sumone i dislike. how immature and she is even older than me.